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Saturday, December 1, 2007

Life Goes On

Wouldn't you know, with all the stress, I have fallen prey to a miserable chest cold. When I try to talk I croak. I'm on antibiotics because my sick lungs are susceptible to pneumonia. It's been a couple of years since I last had a cold and I had forgotten how rotten "the common cold" makes you feel.

I decided that today had to be a relaxing and resting day, and since it was a beautiful morning and early afternoon I rode with Joe to a nearby Penrose alpaca farm. I have a weakness for alpacas and their soft, luxurious wool. While Joe worked on Robin's dishwasher, Gary to me for a tour of his place and introduced me to his 60 alpacas. Their Australian shepherd, with one blue and one brown eye, and the white Great Pyrenees accompanied us, as did a sleek black and white cat (I never met a herd cat before). I am in love and am going to have to drive by occassionally to admire these wonderful animals.

After the tour, Robin showed me the treasures made from alpaca wool that she sells in her small store. Robin is an artist as well as alpaca farmer, and I was delighted to see a needle felted alpaca with blanket that she had made. They have their wool processed by a place in Kansas and have several natural colors of yarn, with photos of the alpaca who donated the wool on each label. I really admired the hand knitted socks and sweaters and the sheer woven scarves looked almost like silk. I hope one of the kids asks me what I want for Christmas, because I have my eye on a hand embroidered black scarf.

I also want to share my newest treasure with you. My 11 year old granddaughter Rachel, from Salt Lake City, gave me a drawing for a quilt design, and someday I hope to use it to make a quilt for her.

Tomorrow we will start moving Mom to Canon City. Mom and Dad have lived in Fowler for 57 years, and in their home for around 40. It is so hard! I don't want to do this; I don't want to play this game anymore, it's not fun. I just want things to go back to the way they were. My reaction to losing Dad is nothing like what I expected. I don't feel sad, it hurts too bad to be just sad. I literally hurt physically, my whole body, with a hole in my middle. I feel like something is horribly wrong with my world, something like anxiety, but not just sadness. I told Joe that death isn't just the loss of someone, it is the loss of an entire lifestyle. "This too will pass." For the last 40 years this has been one of those common sayings that help me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, whatever happens. Thank God, humans are so adaptable.


Rian said...

Dear sweet Fran, this is just not a good time for you.

That hole in your heart really does physically hurt, I know. I'm sending you healing thoughts tonight--for your physical as well as emotional pain.

Susan @ Blackberry Creek said...

You're right, Fran. You didn't just lose your dad, you lost a piece of you. I'm praying that God will wrap you in his arms of comfort and make this stage of grief short.
I love Rachel's drawing. That would make a lovely quilt. And I like the message that her little "typo" sends. Sometimes we all need a "quit idea."
Feel better soon, sweet lady.

jenclair said...

The alpacas are beautiful animals, aren't they? It's those big eyes, I think, that go to your heart.

Rachel's quilt design would make a lovely gift, and I agree with Susan about sometimes needing a "quit idea."

I'm glad you found a good place for your mother so quickly, but you are right, the loss and resulting changes are very hard to handle.

Debra Dixon said...

Stopping in to check on you! Please rest now! Everything will get done but you must have the strength needed to do it and we can't have you sick.


DebbyMc said...

(((((Fran))))) I know well the hole in your center that this loss has caused. Dear Fran, you are right, it is indeed a physical as well as emotional pain. I am sending you comforting thoughts and you all will be in my prayers tonight...take care of yourself...your cold is your body catching up with everything that has happened recently...

Jen said...

Rest and heal, Fran. It takes time. You are in my prayers, Jen

McIrish Annie said...

Dear Fran, I am just now catching up with you since Thanksgiving. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad's passing. I know how it feels to lose your Dad. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Please take care of yourself!